people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
