u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
