but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
