Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize