I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
