Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
