Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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