Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
