he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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