I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
