after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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