She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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