good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
