I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize