Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
