Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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