guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
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WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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