You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
