He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So vagazzling was a success
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A bitchslap is in order.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
