Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
