you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pants are for mortals
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