I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We are all done wearing pants today
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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