then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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