I wish I only lived at night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
