Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize