She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
