i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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