booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
