I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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