ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
