My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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