I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
