Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line