Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?