shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(