But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.