Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.