I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
