There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
wanna go halves on a baby?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
