if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
