no, he came in my armpit
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
