the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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