She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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