who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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