ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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