Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
