the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
