You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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