Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize