I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
