Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
