im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How's work?
Spinning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
