My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
