6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
