i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
