One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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