Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
