So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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