You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
