His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
