I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
someone owes me an orgasm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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