New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
