He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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