It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
