New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
